My 43rd birthday is quickly approaching. I do not mention that in hopes of being celebrated but rather as a matter of reflection. With a new year of my life beginning in a few days, it is an opportunity to consider what I can learn from the past year. How can I use what I have experienced, both bad and good, to live a little better? Instead of keeping it to myself, I decided I would share my takeaways with you. So, here we go!

As I considered the past year, and even beyond, I came to a realization: sometimes I consider it, and the future, a little too much. Let me explain. I am a recovering perfectionist. By recovering, I mean I still struggle with it, but I am at least aware and intentionally working to move beyond it. In my striving to reach the unreachable goal of being perfect, I can overanalyze my past imperfections.

“Did I make the right choice?” “Did I say the right thing?” “Did I go the right way?” “Did I order the right meal for dinner?” “Did I love my wife and kids well?”

These are just a few of the many questions that enter my mind. While there is nothing wrong with taking them into consideration and learning from past choices (in fact, I would recommend it), allowing them to define my present reality is not helpful. In other words, using mental energy and time to run endless “what if scenarios” about the past does not help me create a better future. Certainly, I can and should take the time to learn and grow from the choices I make, but the truth is I can’t remake them. They are in the past and time continues to march into the future.

This gets to my second takeaway. When I am not overanalyzing my past, I have a tendency to try to control the future. This is really just the other side of the same coin. “What do I need to do or say to ensure the outcome I desire comes to fruition?” It would be easy to say that is just being responsible, but one word makes it a losing proposition: ensure. Believing I can ensure an outcome in life is believing a lie. Yes, I can do my part to move toward a particular outcome, but I ultimately have little to no control of final result. It is a subtle difference, but that is what makes it, and most lies, so dangerous. They contain an element of truth, but ultimately lead to disappointment and despondence.

In the case of trying to control outcomes, it is like getting on a hamster wheel: you spend all of your time running in circles to will a result you never take the time to enjoy. Instead, you get back on the wheel, attempting again to reach a goal that will always remain beyond your grasp. This is where I live at times and the only outcome it is sure to produce is anxiety. I spend my time in the present anxiously worrying about a future reality I can’t control.

Reflecting on both of these takeaways from the past year, I have a lesson for the year to come. Instead of overanalyzing a past I can’t change, or worrying about a future I can’t control, spend more time living in a present I can enjoy. Does this mean not taking time to learn from the past? No. Alternatively, does it mean being flippant with the future? Not at all. It just means doing my part and trusting the rest to a God who created me and loves me.

It is wise to learn from the past and consider the future when living your present life. However, when you spend your entire time in those two spaces, you miss the life you are trying so hard to influence. Truly living requires an element of trust and a willingness to let go. You can and should do what you can to move in the direction of the life for which you were created. The key is to stop when your part is done. Trying to change the past and control the future is a hamster wheel. You can’t do it. After you have done your part, the rest is in God’s hands. In recognizing this reality, you can make the choice to live now.

This is my journey for the next year: to learn from the past, take wise steps toward the future, trust God with the rest, and live now. My life and family will be better for it. Will you join me on this journey? Will you choose to live now? I hope so.

Here’s a more present year to come!

James Belt

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